Tied Together With A Smile
by JessyeJesigirl
Summary: Although wrapped up in the grief of Quentin's death can Brooke's friends realise that her smile is not always genuine and that beneath it she is slowly coming apart.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter One- Eyes Open

_**Quentin Fields was a basketball player. He was also a son. A brother. Somebody's teammate. Somebody's friend. I never knew Quentin Fields and I guess now I never will. Did you ever wonder what it would be like if you weren't you anymore? If you were suddenly gone how would your world react? Whatever you imagined was wrong. There's nothing romantic about death. Grief is like the ocean: it's deep and dark and bigger than all of us. And pain is like a thief in the night. Quiet. Persistent. Unfair. Diminished by time and faith and love. I didn't know Quentin Fields but I'm jealous of him because I see how his absence has affected the people that did know him so I know that he did matter to them. And I know he was loved. People say Quentin Fields was a great basketball player. Graceful. Fluid. Inspiring. They say on a good night it almost seemed as though he could fly. And now he can.**_

_**Everybody's waiting**_

_**Everybody's watching **_

_**Even when you're sleeping Keep your ey-eyes open **_

He reached for her hand and clutched it tight, he didn't ever want to let go, not now, not after everything that had meaning seemed to disappear.

Brooke gripped Jamie's hand and watched as her friends walked away weighed down by grief. She had not known Quentin personally but from what her friends had told her he was a great kid, misunderstood and guided by the views of his peers but a great person. He was amazing at basketball and Brooke could sense that his presence would be dearly missed by everyone by the turn-out to the young boy's funeral. Everything about those last three words were wrong, no young child should have to die, when they have not yet lived to their full potential. No young child should have to suffer through the loss either, not understanding properly what was happening, not completely grasping why they can't go out and see that person again. But it wasn't just the children she felt sorry for it was everyone. Yes everyone dies at some point in their life but they should die when they have lived their life to the full potential, loved to the full capacity of their hearts and viewed the world through ever single colour. A person should die by natural causes and not because a sadistic person with a twisted view on life decided to break the law and got caught. Quentin's life had only just begun and Brooke felt deeply for her friends who had only just started to watch the young boy grow.

****_**The tricky thing Is yesterday we were just children **_

_**Playing soldiers, Just pretending **_

_**Dreaming dreams with happy endings **_

_**In backyards, winning battles with our wooden swords **_

_**But now we've stepped into a cruel world **_

_**Where everybody stands and keeps score  
Keep your eyes open **_

"Thanks for coming Brooke, you didn't have to, we know how hard it is with our mother right now." Haley said coming up to Brooke with a glass of wine.

"Anything that can help you, just say the word." Brooke promised her friend who thanked her.

"He was just a young boy." Peyton spoke up from her seat beside Lucas on the couch. She was nestled in wrapped underneath her fiancée's arm and Lucas was snuggled in tightly beside her. Looking around the room, Brooke noticed that all of the sad and lonely had someone to hold on to, someone to comfort them. Lucas had Peyton, Haley had Nathan, Jamie had his parents, Skills had Deb and even in Omaha, happy and content, Mouth had Millie. But who did she have? A few days ago, Brooke could have said that she had Peyton, Millie and Mouth, she would have said that Angie was enough for her and that the baby kept her happy. But where was Angie now, sleeping soundly with her loving parents watching over her? Now Brooke had no-one, she was sad, lonely and dealing with her pain alone.

"He didn't deserve to die." Lucas's voice cracked at the end and everyone could feel his pain, wallow in it to hide their own grief.

"One out of every five hundred people gets assaulted all rape. There were over 30,000 aggravated assaults in our state alone last year, 7,000 robberies, 3,000 murders and 600 rapes. It's official, life sucks and then you die." Brooke stated bitterly, looking regretfully down at Jamie who had heard every word.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, please excuse me." Brooke ignored the worried looks people were giving her and brushed past her friends on the way out, ending up by Nathan and Haley's pool.

After five minutes had past, Brooke decided it was safe for her to go back in, venturing past the living room doors she was met with pitiful looks.

"Come sit over here, B Davis and take those sunglasses off." Peyton patted the free seat beside her which was now vacant because Lucas had decided to go over and talk to his godson.

"Thanks Peyton." Brooke said quietly as she slowly sat down on the cushioned couch.

"Let me see your eyes, Brooke tell me what you're thinking." Peyton asked, wanting to know what had caused Brooke's sudden outburst.

"I'm thinking that P Sawyer has a slight obsession with my eyes." Brooke's raspy voice was unusually gravelly, Peyton noticed, like something was wrong with her throat.

"Hey Brooke, what's with the change of voice."

"This is how I speak Peyton."

"No, it's different." Peyton said.

"Look, Peyt, we're at a funeral for a young boy who's died, we can focus on me later." Brooke sighed, not liking the inquisitive questions.

"Alright, but if something has happened, you can come to me."

"I know P Sawyer, you're my best friend."

**Everybody's waiting for you to breakdown **

**Everybody's watching to see the fallout **

**Even when you're sleeping, sleeping **

**Keep your ey-eyes open **

**Keep your ey-eyes open **

**Keep your ey-eyes open **

Once most of the guests had dispersed including Skills and Deb (Something about making him feel better) then did Brooke find herself peppered with questions about her earlier speech.

"Brooke, Quentin dying, that's going to be a pretty prominent thing in our lives for a while, but that doesn't mean you can't come to us with your problems." It was Nathan's turn to tell Brooke words that she had heard from all her friends.

They all said that they were here for her, that they would be there for her but whenever the time did arise that she needed someone the weren't there and that had helped to crumble Brooke's trust and dependency on others. She believed in being independent and doing things on your own, she didn't like to burden others with her problems.

"I'm fine really."

"That sounds like something I would have said."

"Honestly Nate, my problems are easily dealt with, I can handle them, but right now your family is grieving, I don't need to burden you with my unimportant issues."

"None of your issues are unimportant Brooke, but if you say your fine and you can handle them then it's all good. I hope that's true and maybe it is but the thing is, the two of us have been down very similar roads, we were in the same cliques first, we both felt the same pressure, the same expectations. Our parents were children and we both grew in to kind of bad versions of ourselves way too fast. So I think you know, I get it.

"They never gave us a chance did they? our parents?"

"They didn't know how, look the thing is, you've made your dream happen, alright? And even though didn't quite get there, when it was taken away from me, dealt with it alone. That was stupid and selfish and wrong. So if your mom tries to take your dream away from you and you feel the same pan I did, I've sorta been there okay? And I'm going to be kind of pissed off it you don't come talk to me about it."

Brooke nodded "Thanks Nate, but don't worry I can deal with Victoria, right now what matters is making sure you, Haley and Luke are okay."

"Thanks for coming today Brooke, it means a lot. I know you didn't know Quentin, but it doesn't surprise me that you're thinking of other people when all this stuff is going on with you. Come here." Nathan leaned forward to give Brooke a hug, but she flinched away from him.

"Sorry Nate it's just I-I fell down the stairs yesterday after getting caught up in the sheets and it-it hurts to hug right now."

"Ouch, I'm sorry Brooke, now what do you say we go back to the others and make sure they're ok too."

Brooke smiled, grateful that Nathan hadn't pressed on the subject and went over to the corner to speak with her godson, she knelt down to his level and apologised for her words earlier.

**So here you are, two steps ahead and staying on guard **

**Every lesson forms a new scar **

**They never thought you'd make it this far **

**But turn around (turn around), oh they've surrounded you **

**It's a showdown (showdown) and nobody comes to save you **

**But you've got something they don't **

**Yeah you've got something they don't **

**You've just gotta keep your eyes open **

"I'm sorry Jamie, for what I said earlier, I was just angry and upset."

"It's ok Aunt Brooke, we all are sometimes." Jamie gave his Aunt a pat and his expression showed hurt when she recoiled from his touch.

"Is this like the bruises?" Jamie asked wisely, having spotted them during Brooke's break-down at the coffin.

"Yeah Jamie it is, I fell down the stairs yesterday and I'm just a little sore." Brooke said sadly.

"Are you going to get better?" Jamie didn't want to lose another person, especially not his Aunt Brooke.

"It will take some time, but I'll get better James Lucas Scott, just as I know that soon you won't feel so sad anymore." Brooke nuzzled his nose with hers.

"How did you know I feel sad?"

"Because we all do, and because Quentin meant something to you, and when you lose something that meant a lot to you then it hurts, and you feel sad and you cry."

"Did you lose someone Aunt Brooke?"

"Why would you ask that?"

"Because you were crying earlier." Jamie pointed out.

"No J-Luke, I'm just a little sad and lonely."

"I'll make you feel less lonely Aunt Brooke." Jamie snuggled in close to his aunt careful not to touch parts of her body that hurt, which was hard because it all did.

"Jamie, it's time for your bedtime." Haley crossed the room.

"But I'm making Aunt Brooke feel less lonely."

"It's okay J-Luke, I'll be fine, now you need to get your beauty sleep."

"Can I help you feel less sad tomorrow?"

"Yeah sure buddy, and I'll return the favour."

With one last look at his favourite aunt Jamie left the room closely followed by his mum who sent Brooke a thankful look as she exited.

**Everybody's waiting for you to breakdown **

**Everybody's watching to see the fallout **

**Even when you're sleeping, sleeping **

**Keep your ey-eyes open **

**Keep your ey-eyes open **

**Keep your ey-eyes **

"You ever going to take those glasses off, and that coat aren't you hot?" Peyton asked her friend who was still bundled up.

"I'm fine, I should be leaving anyway." Brooke stood, ready to say her goodbyes.

"Stay." Those were the first words that Lucas Scott had said to Brooke all day.

"Please, just so that we can all be together again, at least for a little while, it might make us feel better."

Nathan nodded in agreement with his brother and so Brooke retreated back to an arm-chair curling herself up in it.

"I'll take your coat." Nathan held out his arms to the brunette who shook her head.

"I'm a little cold, it's better if I keep it on."

"Come on Brooke it's still really humid out and the temperature's around 80°"

"I'm just…a little embarrassed." Brooke said.

"Why have you come out in some weird rash?"

"No, it's just…my bruises…from falling down the stairs."

"Oh, honey, you fell down the stairs?" Peyton asked, concern masking her voice.

"I just…got tangled up in a bunch of sheets and fell headfirst." Brooke lied.

"Oh, sweetie, I'm so sorry." Peyton was about to hug her but Brooke stopped her.

"I'm still a little sore."

Slowly she slid off the over-sized black sunglasses that had been masking her face revealing the large black and blue bruises that surrounded her eyes. She was thankful for the foundation that she had applied to hide the rest of the bruises on her face as gasps went around the group.

With shaking hands, Brooke unbuttoned her coat too and the others soon saw the purple bruises that lined her arms and chest.

"Are they on your legs too?" Lucas pointed to her legs covered in opaque tights, Brooke nodded, not giving away the information that they were worse down there, and that she also had a few knife marks and some nasty scrapes.

"What happened?" Haley appeared at the entrance to the room having put a worn-out Jamie to bed.

"I fell down the stairs." Brooke told her friend who came rushing over.

"Oh I'm so sorry Brooke. Is this why you've been aloof and upset all day?"

"I'm sorry if I made the mood worse."

"I don't think that could've happened!" Nathan recalled the looks of anguish and distress upon the guests of the funeral and his friends.

"I can't believe he's gone." Lucas stared out in to the garden.

"I don't know how to make sense of it, I had to go to school yesterday and tell his classmates and if I at twenty two years can't make sense of it, then how the hell are they."

"We've been through this before and we got through, we can do it this time, together." Brooke told them, making them think back to the death of their beloved Keith.

"He's really gone, isn't he." Jamie stood near the door, holding a toy Brooke had bought him and dragging a blue blanket behind him.

"Jamie, you're supposed to be in bed."

"I can't sleep, what if you go too?" A tear dribbled down Jamie's cheek and Brooke felt her heart go out to the poor child.

"Here let me take him to bed." She stood, not caring about the intake of breath from her friends.

"Your bruises." Jamie traced the ones around Brooke's neck with his fingers as she bent down beside him.

"Now, come on, you need to go to sleep, I promise you that we'll all be here tomorrow."

"You promise." Jamie yawned as Brooke gathered the young boy in her arms, ignoring the looks from her friends that read 'Your injured, I'll carry him' and carried him to his bedroom.

Laying her godson on his bed, Brooke tucked him in and kissed his forehead.

"I promise, Jamie." She crept out of the room, flicking the light switch as she made her way back downstairs.

"I'd better be going." She announced, taking her coat off of the staircase and slipping it on.

"Let me know how your meeting with the board goes." Peyton called to her as she murmured quietly with Lucas.

" I will, love you guys."

"We love you too Brooke."

She shut the door to the 'Naley' household and with soft footsteps made her way down the path towards her car.

**Keep your feet ready **

**Heartbeat steady **

**Keep your eyes open **

**Keep your aim locked **

**The night goes dark **

**Keep your eyes open **

Getting in, Brooke scanned the area and once she was sure it was all clear, unlocked her car and got in.

Quickly she started the engine and drove down the road that her friends lived on. As she entered down, Brooke took a de-tour, making sure that Clothes Over Bro's was not on the route back to her house.

Once she arrived she again made sure the coast was clear before getting out and opening her front door.

Closing her front door Brooke double locked it and sank down on to the floor.

She had promised Jamie that she would still be here tomorrow but Brooke didn't know if all of her would. She felt as if pieces of her were gradually breaking off and Brooke didn't know if she was strong enough this time to survive.

**Everybody's waiting for you to breakdown **

**Everybody's watching to see the fallout **

**Even when you're sleeping, sleeping  
Keep your ey-eyes open **

**Keep your ey-eyes open **

**Keep your ey-eyes open **

**Keep your ey-eyes open Keep your ey-eyes open**


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two- Tied Together With A Smile **

"**It cannot be seen, cannot be felt,****  
****Cannot be heard, cannot be smelt,****  
****It lies behind stars and under hills,****  
****And empty holes it fills,****  
****It comes first and follows after,****  
****Ends life, kills laughter."**

**-J.R.R Tolkien **

Brooke curled up on her bed, wincing as the bruises cried out in pain at the movement.

Darkness hung over the room and shadowed the brunette completely. She was surrounded, lost in it all.

She hadn't slept at all during the night and knew that she wouldn't sleep during the day either. She couldn't, even though she felt drowsy her brain wouldn't allow her eyes to shut, they didn't let her body become inactive for fear she would miss something, for fear that her worst nightmare would once again rule over her. Terrorise her. She didn't want that to happen, couldn't let that happen. She wasn't weak anymore , she wasn't the same girl. She was stronger, a fighter. No more nightmares would take over her.

* * *

"Mummy," Jamie ran in to the room, tears streaming down his face as he clambered on to his parents bag

"Jamie," Nathan sat up as his son cuddled in between him and Haley.

"What's wrong baby?" Haley rubbed Jamie's back as he snuggled in to her chest, sobbing loudly.

"Did you have a bad dream?" Nathan asked,

"Quentin...red cape...black box...mud." Was all the married couple could make out.

"Oh baby, come on, try and go back to sleep." Haley suggested, leaning Jamie back on to the pillow but his little head shot back up.

"No! No sleep," He was distraught and so Haley decided to get up and sooth her poor son.

"You sure," Nathan asked as he checked the clock.

"Yeah, you go back to bed," Haley told him, taking Jamie downstairs to go and watch some morning t-v.

* * *

" What are you doing?" Peyton asked Lucas, waking up to find him not in bed.

"Writing," Lucas shrugged.

"It's 5 in the morning," Peyton laughed, as she slipped from underneath the duvet to hug her fiancé.

"I just keep thinking about it, you know." Lucas stopped his typing to turn to Peyton, a dejected look upon his face.

"Yeah, I know." It was true, Peyton did know, she'd been through it twice, with both of her mothers.

"We'll get through it together." Peyton rubbed the blonde boy's shoulders as he slumped down in his chair.

"Thanks Peyton," Lucas turned to kiss her sweetly.

"You've saved me so many times Luke, it's time to return the favour." Peyton ruffled his hair and padded back to bed, letting him continue to write his sorrows.

* * *

"You need to go practice," Haley kissed her husband lovingly, and handed him a plate brimming with bacon, bread and beans

"Yeah well you need to go to work," Nathan replied, as he dug in to his breakfast.

"I told you Jamie needs someone right now, he isn't in the right state to go to kindergarten."

"Then call someone, I don't want you to leave those kids hanging, a supply teacher won't do them any good." Nathan said wisely.

"Fine, I'll call Brooke," Haley sighed, knowing her best friend was good with Jamie.

"You do that," Nathan took his plate and left the kitchen to see his son who sat miserably in front of the t-v.

Brooke heard her cell ringing and her head turned.

She had assigned ringtones to some of her contacts, so that she would know whether it was someone like Peyton or someone like Bitchtoria.

Right now she could hear the familiar ring-tone of Haley James's very own Halo.

With a moan, she rolled closer to the edge of her bed and fished the cell out of her bag.

"Hey Brooke," Haley heard a loud oomph as the phone was picked up.

"Hey TutorMum," Brooke's voice held an emotion that Haley couldn't quite detect but it wasn't her usual cheery tone, that was for sure.

"I need a favour!"

"I'm here to help, you know me Hales," _I always sacrifice to help others. _

"Are you sure Brooke," Haley noticed a hint of bitterness in Brooke's tone but she didn't really pick up on it. _Brooke was never bitter._  
"Just tell me what it is TutorGirl," They were back to nicknames and Haley was glad, she had picked up on Brooke's use of 'Hales' in her previous sentence.

"Well Jamie isn't really up to school today, but Nathan has to go to practice and I need to go to school so could you—"

"Watch over him whilst you're at work, sure Haley James,"

Brooke didn't mind this favour very much, she loved her god-son and a whole day together was just what she needed to cheer her up and keep her mind off...

"Really, thanks Brooke, you're my saviour." Haley hung up after asking Brooke if she could come round before 9.

_But who's mine?_Was the unanswered question running through Brooke's mind.

* * *

"So what do you want to do today?" Lucas asked his fiancé as they Peyton got up properly for the second time that morning and staggered in to the kitchen, bleary eyed and hungry.

"Oh, I kinda wanted to go check on Brooke, see how she was doing, you know, after her fall." Peyton bit her lip as she stared up at Lucas

"Yeah, you should do that," Lucas handed her a plate of French toast.

"You sure? If you need me, I'm here."

"Peyton, it's time someone helped Brooke, now do I have to cart you over to her place or are you gonna go of you're own free will.

"I just don't want things to be awkward between us,"

"Why would they be?"

"Because we had a horrific Bermuda triangle thing going on in High school."

"Peyton, that was over a long time ago, Brooke and I we're friends now, just like you and Brooke are."

"But you helped her with Angie and..."

"Stop that right there blondie, Brooke and me, we were never meant to be, I love you Peyton, I was just helping out with Angie and Brooke and I never did anything it that's what you were worried about. I am marrying you Peyton Sawyer soon to be Scott."

Peyton grinned at that and placing the French toast down on the table wrapped her arms around Lucas's neck to give him a deep kiss.

"That is a good way to start a morning," Lucas grinned as they came up for air.

"Now eat!" He kissed her sweetly on the nose and pushed her down in to the closest chair.

* * *

Brooke stood in front of her mirror examining her body. She used to be so brave, so confident, she would strip in front of anyone.

But now, now she was ashamed, and it wasn't just because of the visible bruises.

She couldn't bare to look at her body not because she looked battered on the outside but because it seemed like you could see everything, see all the scars she had received from neglect, hearts being broken and just being the one everyone depended on.

Being the saviour every time.

She didn't want to be the victim, no she was no Peyton but she didn't want to always give up everything for everyone else.

Not always, they were her friends and yes she loved them but sometimes Brooke couldn't help but to think selfishly and say it wasn't fair. As she slipped on the loose silk top Brooke gazed at her hazel orbs, trying to see what everyone else could. Life.

But she couldn't, not anymore, she just didn't see it.

**Seems the only one who doesn't see your beauty****  
****Is the face in the mirror looking back at you****  
****You walk around here thinking you're not pretty****  
****But that's not true, cause I know you**

* * *

"Mummy, are you leaving me?" Jamie asked as he noticed his mum gathering together her work bag.

"I'm sorry but I've got to go to work, Aunt Brooke's coming though."

"Aunt Brooke!" Jamie's face perked up considerably and Haley thanked the heavens for their bond.

"Yeah, she sure be here any minute, so you'll be fine without me."

"Sure Mama," Jamie was smiling and Haley smiled too, glad to see happiness flaring in her son.

The doorbell rang and Jamie sprinted to get it, Haley hot on his heels.

"James Lucas Scott, you know you don't open doors by your self."

"But it's Aunt Brooke," Jamie cried as he opened the door to see the expected god-mother.

"Hey Brooke," Haley greeted her best friend as Brooke stepped on to the scene her perfected cherry red smile on her face.

"Hey TutorMum, hey J-Luke." Brooke bent to snuggle the small boy, ignoring the outcry of pain she felt from her upper thighs.

"Brooke are you okay?" Haley asked as she watched Brooke wince.

"Yeah, just a little sore, nothing to worry about though." Brooke gave Haley a quick smile as she bopped Jamie on the nose.

"Now don't you need to go somewhere TutorMum I can handle things here."

"Yeah Momma, Aunt Brooke can handle things." Jamie turned to face his mum and the two women chuckled.

"Okay, I'll be back around 4, emergency numbers are on the fridge and Jamie's pack lunch is in the fridge, so you don't have to cook." Haley laughed as Brooke scowled.

"I'll have you know that I got better at cooking, whilst I was in New York.

"Well I still don't trust you with my son."_  
_Haley then closed the door to the house, leaving Brooke and Jamie alone.

"So what do you want to do huh?"

"Everything!"

* * *

"Brooke's not answering," Peyton frowned as she peered in through the dark windows.

"She must be out then, maybe clothes over bro's?" Lucas suggested as Peyton returned to the comet.

"Huh, maybe, she does have that important board meeting today!"

"Aren't the board in New York."

"Yeah but Brooke will most probably Skype, she wouldn't jet off to New York without telling us."

"You're right, although we did go off to Las Vegas without telling anyone." Lucas reminded.

"Yeah, but that was different." _It was different,_ _Brooke was Brooke, she wouldn't just pick up and leave, not without telling them, and not when they needed her. It sounded selfish but they did, Brooke was like their rock, she would do anything for her friends and she was always there for them. Whenever, Wherever for Whatever._

Peyton knew, she was the one who had used Brooke as her rock the most.

"Ok so off to Clothes Over Bro's," Lucas waited for Peyton to start the car and together they drove off towards the centre of town.

* * *

When Jamie had said he wanted to do 'everything' he had literally meant it.

Together they had played Guitar Hero until they got to the hard level, googled random things, eaten a whole bowl of ice-cream watched a movie and a half, bounced on the trampoline (Well Jamie bounced, Brooke just watched) and Jamie was currently getting ready to go swimming.

"You sure, you want to go Jimmie-Jam it looks kinda cold." Brooke stared at the icy water with disdain but Jamie jumped eagerly.

"Yeah I want to show you all of my awesome moves.

"I'm glad you got over your fear, Jamie." Brooke told her god-son remembering the time that he had been scared of the water due to a messy drowning incident when his parents had been in a rut.

"Yeah, well after I jumped in it was easy, I wasn't scared any more. That's what you need to do Aunt Brooke,"

"What do I need to do?"

"You need to jump in, face your fears then it becomes easier and all you have to do is kick your feet and move your arms. And then you can get on to the cool tricks." Jamie sounded so enthused and Brooke ruffled his hair affectionately.

"Ok Jamie, you go in the pool and then it's lunch time."

"But we haven't done everything yet!" Jamie whined.

"We can do more of everything after lunch," Brooke promised, settling down on one of 'Naley's lounge chairs, ready to watch Jamie swim.

Jamie grinned up at her, showing the gap where a tooth hadn't filled come fully through yet and making sure his floaters were pumped to the max proceeded to jump in the pool.

Brooke leaned back watching her god-son in red trunks with yellow duck floaties on his arms, kicking happily around the pool.

This was easy, she didn't have to pretend that she was happy here, Jamie made her truly smile and so being with him was easy. It was nice and it made Brooke forget, until she closed her eyes so Brooke made sure she didn't close her eyes.

**Hold on baby you're losing it****  
****The water's high you're jumping in to it****  
****And letting go and no one knows****  
****That you cry but you don't tell anyone****  
****That you might not be the golden one****  
****And you're tied together with a smile but you're coming undone****  
*****************************************************************************************

* * *

"She's not there either," Peyton sighed as she peered through the shop windows.

"Why is it so dark I can't see a thing." Then Peyton caught sight of the 'closed sign'

"Why is it closed? Brooke never closes, not even on Sundays!"

"Haven't you heard Millicent moved with Mouth to Omaha!" Lucas said surprised Peyton hadn't heard this latest piece of news.

"She did?" Peyton was surprised that Brooke hadn't told her this herself.

Not that they had really talked recently, between a quick discussion at Haley and Nathan's house about her falling down the stairs they hadn't talked at all since Peyton had returned from her trip with Lucas. In fact it had been Lucas that had told her Brooke's news, like how Angie had left and now that Millicent had left too.

"Oh poor Brooke, she'll be so upset."

"Peyton I think Brooke's had time to be upset it's like a week and a half later." Lucas pointed out making Peyton feel like a rubbish friend.

"I haven't been a very good friend, I mean Angie leaves, and I wasn't there, Millie leaves and I wasn't there, she fell down the stairs and I wasn't there."

"Don't put yourself down, you've been busy, sorting out your own life." Lucas soothed rubbing Peyton's shoulders.

"Well now that mines all sorted out, it's time to patch up Brooke's." Peyton gave Lucas a quick kiss as she tried Brooke's cell.

However there was no answer which frustrated Peyton even more so she decided to turn to someone who knew Brooke almost as well as Peyton in fact maybe even better, Peyton had to admit.

"Peyton, hey whats up!" Haley sipped on a cup of coffee as she answered her phone call in the teacher's lounge

"Have you seen Brooke, I can't find her anywhere."

"That would be because she's babysitting at my place." Haley explained and Peyton sighed.

"God, I thought something bad had happened, you don't mind if Lucas and I swing by do ya?"

"Sure Peyton, you guys practically live there half the time anyway." Haley chuckled knowing there house was like a base for the others to hang out in.

"Ok catch you later Haley," The phone call ended and Haley returned to her lesson plan with a tired sigh.

"She's at Haley's with Jamie," Peyton told her fiancé as she ended the phone call.

"Cool, do you wanna drop by?"

"You know me so well!" Peyton giggled as the two walked back to their car arm in arm.

"That I do, Peyton Sawyer, I know you very well."

Jamie and Brooke sat around munching on a classic; Peanut Butter and Jelly Sandwiches.

"I can't believe you like grape jam sandwiches." Brooke scrunched her nose up at Jamie's plate.

"You eat strawberry jam that's disgusting!" Jamie pretended to be sick and Brooke giggled.

"You're funny J-Luke

"Why thank you Aunt Brooke," Jamie stood to mock bow making Brooke's smile wider.

The knock at the door broke the childish manner in which they were acting and Brooke stood to open the door.

"Peyton! Lucas!, Hales isn't here I'm afraid," Jamie ran past Brooke to hug his aunt and uncle as Brooke addressed them

"Oh we're here to see you Brooke!" Peyton smiled at her best friend

"You are!"

"Yes, why'd ya seem so surprised." Peyton asked, smiling.

"Oh, no reason, I just thought you two love-birds would want to bask in the engagement glow."

Peyton noticed that Brooke stumbled over the word 'love-birds' and wondered if it had any connection to a certain blonde-haired man she was marrying?

Brooke watched Peyton's eyes narrow and knew she had observed the stumble.

Truth be told, it wasn't because of Lucas, once maybe, but that was long-forgotten, the past. Now Brooke was envious, she was jealous of their love. Even though they had broken five hearts to get to where they were, they were there; and they were insanely in love. An epic love story as some say. It was the same with Nathan and Haley.

They hadn't even been dating for a few months when they got married, they could just sense it, feel it. They were the one, soul mates.

_Brooke just wished she could find that. Find the one person who made her believe in the beauty, brilliance and immensity of love._

_Made her hope and have faith that everything was going to get better, have someone tell that it was all going to be ok. Instead of picking up the fragments herself._

**Guess its true that love is all you wanted****  
****Cause you're giving it away like it's extra change****  
****Hoping it will end up in his pocket****  
****But he leaves you out like a penny in the rain****  
****Oh cause it's not his price to pay****  
****It's not his price to pay**

"So did you want to see me for anything in particular?" Brooke asked as the two walked in to the house.

Peyton found herself puzzled, why did she need a reason for seeing her best-friend. Why was Brooke asking for a reason for her best friend to come and see her.

"We just wanted to check in on you, see how you doing, I'm so sorry I wasn't there for you when you fell."

The two blondes watched Brooke's face tighten at the last word before changing in to a blank expression.

"It's fine Peyton, you and Lucas were doing _your_ thing." Brooke seemed to end that conversation there as the three adults moved in the direction of the living room where Jamie had placed himself watching a cartoon.

"When's the board-meeting?" Lucas asked changing the subject.

"There is no meeting," Brooke told the two blondes who each arched an eyebrow, making them twins.

"I gave Victoria sole rights to the company, it's now hers to do whatever she wishes with it."

"Brooke! The company it's you're everything, you are the company, this is what you've been dreaming about and working for!" Peyton cried out shocked at her friends decision.

"The company isn't my everything nor is it me, not anymore Peyton. And I can get new dreams," Brooke's eyes flashed.

"But Brooke—" Lucas tried to cut in

"—I'm tired of it," Brooke explained.

"Tired of what?"

"Always fighting, always being at odds with my parents, wasting my life on something that's never going to happen." Brooke answered bitterly.

"Brooke," Peyton was concerned about her friend, realising that she wasn't her usual self.

"Peyton, please, I'm ok- well I will be ok, I just need a little time on my own to heal."

"But Brooke—"

"—Please Peyton,"

The two blondes nodded disappointedly.

"Well, I was wondering if you would like me to take Jamie off of you're hands, maybe we could go play ball, let you two talk." Lucas suggested.

"No!" Brooke didn't want Jamie to leave, he was helping, he was soothing.

"I wanna stay with Aunt Brooke," Jamie butted in and Brooke grinned at the little man.

"High-Five little J," The two high-fived and Peyton wished that she was close to Jamie like that, wondering if it was nice, looking at things from a child's perspective.

"Ok, well I suppose we'll be going then." Lucas said, after his proposal had been shot-down.

"Stay, Hales will be home soon, and I'm sure she'd want you to stay for dinner." Brooke told the two-some who agreed.

After that the foursome decided to watch a movie and by the time that Haley arrived they were all cuddled up on the large sofa Nathan and Haley had invested in.

"Aww," Haley pulled out her camera snapping photo's of the four-some.

"Hales!" They all groaned.

"Delete them Haley, please." Brooke begged.

"Why, I find them cute!" Haley showed Lucas and Peyton the photo's and they giggled.

"I just don't want photo's taken whilst I'm like that." Brooke pointed to her face and Haley nodded understandingly.

"You look beautiful Brooke, it's ok."

"Hales," Brooke began again but she was cut off by Nathan running in to the room and scooping up Jamie.

He swung him around and Jamie giggled loudly.

"Wow, Bro manly." Lucas commented.

Nathan stopped to look around the room and noticed the faces staring.

"Aww, man I thought we were alone."

"Nathan, it's ok we've all seen each other looking at fools." Haley soothed as she bit her lip to hide giggles that threatened to come out.

"So ya staying for dinner?" Nathan asked the three adults who sat on the couch smothering their laughter.

"We'll stay, Brooke?" Lucas turned to face the brunette who had only smiled at the scene with Nathan and Jamie.

"Um..."

"Come on, the gang all together again!"

"Alright," Brooke nodded and they all beamed.

"Ok, Jamie's in bed, who votes on a game before leaving."

"Games, Haley how old are we exactly?" Nathan asked his wife.

"Oooh, what about secrets, Luke and I used to play that." Haley ignored her husband's comment and focused on the game for that night.

"What's secrets?" Peyton asked confused.

"Oh come on Peyton, we each share a secret about something we've never told each other. Or how Luke and I used to play, write questions on pieces of paper and then answer them, but we can play the normal version."

"Aww did you two used to play by yourselves," Nathan teased and Haley batted him with his arm.

"Ok, I'll start, hmm, something no-one knows about me is...when I was younger I used to dress up in boys clothes."

Everyone began laughing, imagining Haley James in boys clothes.

"Ok laughter over, Nathan your turn."

"Wow ok, it's hard to follow up but a secret of mine is that...I nearly failed sophomore year and was going to have to re-take but I scraped through by one mark.

"Really?" Haley asked amused,

"Yes really, genius,"

The next person was Peyton who admitted that when she was younger she had an imaginary cat called whiskers.

"Real original P. Sawyer," Brooke snorted, and Peyton blushed.

"Lucas, tell us something about you we didn't already know."

"I look bad in a Mohawk?" Everyone booed him, already knowing this fact.

"Alright, um, when I went away with Keith this gay guy came up to me and gave me his number and the next day I texted him and we hung out, not on a date, I assure you but it was fun, that's something you didn't know about me."

"Lame!" Nathan cried and Lucas ducked his head.

"Ok Brooke, tell us something." All eyes were on Brooke as she sat wringing her hands.

"Um, er, I don't know, you guys know all of my secrets." Brooke eventually said after a long pause.

That was a big lie and everyone knew it. Brooke was very independent and secretive, no-one could ever read her emotions, see through her mask and no-one ever saw her cry.

"Come on Brooke, don't ruin the game now." Peyton told her best-friend nudging her.

Brooke sighed, indecisive as to what to tell them. Anxiously she bit her bottom lip, ignoring the stares she was receiving.

"I don't know what to do, now I don't own the company any-more." Brooke blurted out, startling the others who had been waiting in silence for her secret.

"You gave up the company?" Nathan and Haley both chimed in surprise whilst Peyton and Lucas gave Brooke sympathetic looks.

"As you told me earlier, the company wasn't all of you Brooke. There's so much more of you to see, and whatever you end up doing, you'll be great, I mean it's not as if you need to work again anways, you are a multi-millionaires." Peyton pointed out, but Brooke's face remained stoic

"Brooke, why did you give up the company?" Haley moved to sit next to Brooke, hugging her petite frame gently.

"Because I realised something." Brooke said, her face not showing any emotion.

"What did you realise?" Haley asked the brunette.

"Well, it was more like she told me than I realised. But Victoria said, she said," Brooke chocked a little on her words, clearly shaken up.

"What did she say, you know that woman's full of sh*t." Peyton hated Victoria and her loathing shone through her words.

"You can tell us Brooke, we're all family here."Nathan spoke up as he watched his childhood friend practically break-down in front of him.

Brooke wasn't one for tears, or showing her emotions in front of others. She had learnt from an early age how to mask her true feelings and how to shut people out; in fact she had mastered it the first time she had tried, and now it came naturally.

"She told me she never wanted me," Brooke's voice cracked on the last word.

"That B*tch!" Peyton leaned forward to hug Brooke, but she didn't relax, instead she was stiff; cold.

"She told me that I should be thanking her for giving me life, and that I have everything she ever dreamed off and so it deems right that now she has everything she ever wanted. A company and no daughter." Brooke's voice was detached and silence followed her last word, everyone taking in what she had just said.

"Oh Brookie," Haley hugged Brooke's figure but again she did not hug back, she just sat still.

**Hold on baby you're losing it****  
****The water's high you're jumping in to it****  
****And letting go and no one knows****  
****That you cry but you don't tell anyone****  
****That you might not be the golden one****  
****And you're tied together with a smile but you're coming undone****  
**

"I think it's time for the second round." Lucas gave Brooke a smile as he moved the attention away from her.

"Ok, so for the second round, we have to share our favourite moment in time." Haley told the group.

"I'll go first, my favourite moment in time would be...well I have several, but one of them would be the day Nathan and I first got married, just off the beach, the grass was swaying and there were these little purple flowers, so beautiful, and Nathan said 'I Do' as my parents watched and everything was just so perfect." Haley sighed and Peyton mimicked her gesture, thinking about her own wedding.

No-one was watching the brunette who had moved a little away from the group and was currently staring at them with un-shed tears.

'_Why couldn't she have the same happiness, Haley and Nathan got married in high-school for god's sake, they were the epitome of love. Whilst Lucas and Peyton were just always meant to me, even if they'd taken ages to get here._

"Ok, a favourite moment of mine would be when our son was born," Nathan looked at Haley with a gooey look and Brooke felt sick.

Yes she loved her friends, but she really hated being the third wheel, Hell she was the fifth wheel right now.

"Um, favourite moment, hmm, ok it would probably be when you proposed to me the second time or the day before my mum died, I can't decide." Peyton laughed.

"What happened the day before your mum died?" Haley asked warily , not knowing if she was touching on a difficult subject or not.

"Oh, it was a great day, Brooke and I we were baking cookies, well it was at the time Brooke had invented Brookie Cookies and well it didn't really go to plan, Brooke nearly burnt down the whole house. So then my mum comes home and starts yelling but then, halfway through her little rant some cookie dough that had some how ended on the ceiling fell down on top of her head.

After that we all ended up having an awesome food fight and when my dad returned her got a whole face full of chocolate frosting, it was an epic fight." Peyton chuckled to her self.

"Lucas you're up," Haley turned to her best-friend.

"Ok, well of course one of my favourite moments would be when Peyton finally said yes to my proposal, but another great night would be when I learnt that someone wanted to publish my book."

Lucas informed everyone, as Brooke smiled to herself, remembering the night.

"What happened that night?" Peyton asked.

"Well it was just after you'd said no to my first proposal, so I found myself alone in New York City, celebrating Lindsey's agreement to edit and publish my story, sitting in a bar, drowning my sorrows in alcohol. Then a waitress comes up to me and tells me someone from Tree Hill is here to see me, so then of course I'm wondering who it is, and it turns out that it's a certain brunette."

Lucas looks to Brooke who looks abashed at all the attention.

"So then Brooke and I catch up, her success and my break-up, but when I show her the ring I proposed to Peyton with one of the waitresses thinks we are getting engaged so of course Brooke has to say yes otherwise she would look bad in front of all these strangers and so we get free champagne."

Peyton looked at Brooke, a hint of jealousy in her eyes, _Brooke had seen the ring first._

"So then what happened?" Nathan questioned interested in the story.

"So then Brooke decides we can use the fake proposal idea in every bar and get free champagne and so we did, then we even get a free carriage ride.

And then when we got back to Brooke's massive mansion we got the opportunity to annoy Victoria, Brooke's mother, when she walked in on me with the ring and thought that I the lowly son of a cafe owner would be getting married to her daughter Brooke Davis, and then I left and the moment ended." Lucas sighed as he finished the story, recalling what they had talked about on the carriage.

'_So what do you two have planned for you're life together? The carriage driver asked as they left the side of the road and headed towards Brooke's house._

"_We're gonna be a power couple, he's gonna be a famous novelist and I'm gonna have a fabulous fashion line." Brooke told the driver who smiled._

"_But we're still gonna have time to have a big family." Lucas had played along._

"_Two boys and a girl." Brooke envisioned the family she had dreamed up a long time ago._

"_And I'll coach little league." Lucas helped plan their 'life' out._

"_Oooh, and I'll bake treats for the team." Brooke said excited but seeing the look Lucas was giving her she backtracked._

"_Or buy them," _

_The driver laughed at that, so did Lucas._

"_And we'll spend our summers in the beach house." Lucas wrapped his arm around the brunette, picturing their memories on the beach._

"_And winters in the South of France." Brooke recalled the one time she had spent her winter down in the South of France, it was a time where she thought her parents actually cared, turned out it was just another business deal._

"_But it won't matter where we are, as long as we're together." Lucas concluded, as the driver stopped the carriage outside of Brooke's mansion._

"So Brooke, what's your favourite memory?" Nathan asked the brunette who was off in a daydream.

"Brooke? Brooke!" Haley clicked her fingers in front of Brooke who jumped.

"Sorry, my favourite memory, gosh, urm, well it was the day before Rachel had to leave, because she had claimed to have cheated in the calculus test so that I could graduate and so Mouth, Chase, Rachel and I all went out to a place in Charlotte.

And that night, it was the night I knew I was in love with Chase and that the four of us became really close. It was a night that our bonds became unbreakable, well at least I thought."

Brooke shrugged, grinning at the memory of her and Rachel dancing on top of the bar as Mouth stripped and Chase looked on in awe.

"I wonder where Rachel is now, I mean she stole all of that money that I gave you as payback."

"Peyton, I told you, you didn't need to give me money, and Rachel's sorry, I know she is."

"Yeah she may be sorry she stole from you but not sorry she can get hefty supplies of her drugs," Peyton snorted, the image of the drugged up Rachel still in her mind.

"Just lay off Rachel, will you Peyton," Brooke snapped and Peyton flinched.

"Sorry, I'll stop,"

"I'm sorry, but Rachel was one of my friends and I don't appreciate you talking about her like that."

**oh oh oh oh****  
****Hold on baby you're losing it****  
****The water's high you're jumping in to it****  
****And letting go and no one knows****  
****That you cry but you don't tell anyone****  
****That you might not be the golden one****  
****And you're tied together with a smile but you're coming undone**

"Ok, who's up for the last round," Haley interrupted Peyton's next comment.

"What's the last round?" Nathan asked his wife, eager to stop the mini cat-fight that was about to break out.

"Well there are more rounds but seeing as it's getting late out, we'll just do this one, hmm, I think I'll choose the question, What is one thing you'd change about the past if you could."

Haley gave the others a moment to think before voicing her 'secret'.

"Well we all know what my biggest regret is, and even though I loved every minute of being on tour I would change how I did it, I would ask Nathan if he wanted to come with me and if he gave me the ultimatum again I wouldn't run away I would stay, and wait for the next opportunity, even if it never comes around." Nathan pulled his wife in for a hug and kissed her on the forehead once she had finished.

"Well for starters, I wouldn't give Haley the ultimatum, and make her choose between her dream and me, I would chase after her as well, follow her on the tour and I would also change how I acted after my accident. I know I messed up that part of my life and I would also not make the deal with Daunte and risk losing my family." Nathan looked up at the others who nodded their head, in agreement with his stupid actions.

"Ok, well I would, make sure that I didn't need a lift on the day my mum died, so she wouldn't and I wouldn't turn Ellie away at the first sight, I would help her. I would also not say no to Lucas's first proposal, nor would I mess around with him whilst he was with Brooke or...ruin his chances with Brooke."Peyton finished, mouthing the words 'I'm sorry' to Brooke who simply turned her head.

Only Brooke and Peyton knew about the last thing she was referring to, the horrible moment when Peyton had ruined their friendship for good, with no chance of ever returning even though they made up.

"Ok, well my one regret is the love triangle that went on during high-school and if I could go back in time I know I would change the way I went about things." Lucas informed the group.

"Brooke?" Haley asked the fashionista who sat pondering what to say.

She looked up at them with a sad smile.

"I would take back ever falling in love and believing my parents every time they promised me something and going in to business with Victoria."

Lucas was stumped, yes he regretted the love triangle but he never regretted falling in love with the hot-headed, cheery brunette, who underneath was complicated and quirky,

"Brooke, I know you were hurt a lot when we were younger but falling in love is the best feeling and I know you don't really regret it."

"That's the thing, how do I know if I was really in love when I never got the feeling returned, Chase, he was great but he was never properly in love with me, we just had chemistry, and everyone knows that Lucas and Peyton were the epic love-story, me I never truly had my love returned and so how do I know if what I was feeling was true and not just a simple little crush."

Now everyone was at a loss for words, not knowing what to say to the girl who usually had it all figured out.

"Well I think that concludes the game, thanks for having me and if you ever need help with Jamie just give me a call I have a lot of free time on my hands now, nice seeing you Peyton, Lucas," Brooke waved at the group as she stood and exited.

"We'd better go too," Lucas looked at his watch realising that it was getting closer to midnight by the second. Lucas and Peyton gave the married couple a hug as they too left the 'Naley' house.

"Something's definitely up with Brooke," Nathan confirmed his suspicions to his wife as they cleared away.

"You're right, I think it has something to do with Victoria,"

"That and her bruises, they just don't match up with her falling down the stairs. Especially since the massive ones on her arms are in the shapes of hands."

**oh oh oh oh****  
****You're tied together with a smile but you're coming undone**


	3. Hey Guys

Hey guys I know I haven't uploaded in months and I'm sooooo sorry.

My life has been kinda hectic lately with exams and friendships and meltdowns and I'm incredibly sorry, but I promise uploads are coming very soon

Definitely before December 25th, So that's my Christmas present to you guys.

Now if you would like to my creative juices flowing and me love you guys even more I would love it if my favourite readers would check out a few videos I've uploaded of myself singing covers and original songs. I would literally love you guys to infinity and beyond if you would watch even one.

So my YouTube channel is TheJessicaImogen and I'll post the link on my profile, and I promise uploads soon. I'm incredibly sorry for making you wait for so long.


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